Why Our Elders Have the Keys to the Future.

You know how annoyed you get when a little kid has a million questions, mostly consisting of that dreaded, one syllable word…why? You think it’s fun the first few questions, they’re so cute and they want to know these answers. But after the tenth, eleventh, twelfth ‘why?’ your patience begins to wear thin. Kids have no understanding of anything at all. They have to ask questions because they are seeing things in the world they’ve never seen before. Compared to a teen or an adult who has seen so many things numerous times within their life. Those who have seen even more than us adults are those who came before us. Having conversations with my dad and my grandma, on several occasions they have dropped gems that you would have to dive into a YouTube rabbit hole to get. Listening to your elders has a new meaning when they aren’t just dishing out discipline. As the saying goes, “History repeats itself.” Our parents, grandparents, and if you’re lucky enough, great grandparents, are your history, and ultimately your future. 

Mother Knows Best

We hate listening to our parents as kids and teens because we think we know it all at some point. They don’t “understand us” or “they wouldn’t get it”. We often forget that they had their time having to grow up as well. And they too did not like listening to their parents. Around our twenties, maybe a little younger for some, we start to live more life. And with more life comes more responsibility and opportunities we have never come across. You start wanting to date seriously, live on your own, eventually paying bills and working a serious job, and for some of you, I’ll say lucky ones, you have children. In America at least, we are raised to grow up and get away from our parents. We have this expectation that we can do everything on our own, despite never having done any of it. Our parents and grandparents have so many answers for questions we will have but we disregard them. My elders have had so much to do with molding me into the type of human I want to be, I couldn’t imagine not having them to go to. Your elders not only have answers for life, they have answers to your lineage. They have the stories of their parents and grandparents. Stories of what life was like well before your conception, and maybe even before their conception. 

Wisdom with age. Hanging with old folks

I grew up around a lot of older people in my family. Most of my cousins already had some years on me and we were fortunate enough to have lots of old family members 60, 70+ years old. Being a bit more mentally mature as a kid, I had a knack of being around these older people and sort of being a fly on the wall when it came to listening in on the conversations that occurred. At times I overstepped and was “put in my place” as a kid, but I still stuck around. There was an allure about hearing what was being said. Of course I got the family gossip a little earlier than needed, but from that I still learned what was good and bad. As I got old enough to ask my own questions and people took me seriously enough to give real answers, I got some real knowledge. My dad was always open to giving me the real game about any and everything. I was around 10 having conversations as though I was 21. People would compliment me on my mental ability, when really it was from always being around people who would answer my questions and give me the game I needed. From learning about women, to how to act around white people as a black man, and even more abstract conversations, I was soaking up everything that was poured into me. Being around older people was such a catalyst to forming healthy thoughts about the world around me and within me…

Not Wanting Something is Still Wanting Something

With that said, everything you see from older folks isn’t always great. When it comes to learning, you soon realize what is good and bad and you have no choice in what you consume at times. Parents strive to control what their children consume in any and every way. Overdoing this has many different effects on children. Without making the choices for themselves, they can lack the ability to make decisions, therefore also lacking the opportunity to see the world for what it is. On the other hand, we can see kids turn rebellious and go the complete opposite way of their upbringing. Even going as far as resenting their family, because they were controlled so heavily. I learned early on about alcoholism, sex, and bad habits surrounding health. The black community specifically has always had a bad relationship with food. Around my middle school and high school days, my immediate family was considered the healthy family. People made jokes about us not eating this or that. Or I would be offered a type of fast food and make many other suggestions for just slightly healthier options. In many cases, we indirectly learn what we don’t want in life without others having to tell us. I saw how my family moved from being physically unhealthy. I saw their view on the world and how tainted it was from being mentally unwell. I took to heart how some people would tell me one thing and do the opposite, then tell me, “do as I say not as I do.” As you get around those older folks, pay attention to what they have to say very closely. Some of them will admit to their faults and others will give you knowledge with no wisdom. 

Remembering the Past for the Present and Future

I mentioned earlier that history repeats itself. Our older generations have the keys to a better future. I know it sounds crazy because we look to our children as the future. But if we have nothing to pass down, then how do we expect our kids to do better? I just attended a book signing where the author, Dr. Willie H. Clemons, who is now 83 years old, spoke on growing up in the south during the Jim Crow era as a black man. Racism was real and in his face everyday he left his home. America now is trying to take away the documents of people just like him, ultimately erasing history and the black people who contributed to it. If we don’t seek the knowledge that our own generations have to offer, we are bound to repeat history once again. As a younger generation we still have this notion of doing things on our own, that we don’t need guidance because “they’re old they don’t know what’s going on now.” Older people still have an important role in this digital age because they know how to be human. They understand the news on TV, and see how the world is repeating its old ways and putting it in our face for we have no prior knowledge of the disguise. Talking to our older family members and asking the right questions is uber important. For when they leave, they take all their wisdom with them. And we will be stuck having to change the world all over again. 

-J