A Conversation With Little You, Shed Light On Your Shadow

Self-discovery is weird. It usually comes from one pivotal moment in your life that makes you sit down and deeply think about your life. This moment can either be positive or negative. I use positive and negative as subjective terms because I no longer think things in human experience are good or bad. I think they are either positive, it pushes you forward and makes you feel good; or negative, allows you to sit and think about the circumstances. In these moments you are aware of thoughts and feelings you may have never noticed before. This feeling can lead to reminiscing about your past. Memories you tucked away... in a vault... deep under a metaphorical ocean, begin to bubble up and you feel those forgotten emotions. We don’t like to dwell on things that have caused us turmoil, so we “forget about it”. In the act of pushing these memories down, we bypass the healing needed to actually resolve the issues inside ourselves. As we continue to move through life, we don’t realize how this one event has affected us.

We all have things from our past that cause angst in our lives that we may be unconscious of. Having my own self-discovery journey, I've come across something called shadow work. Through research, I found that shadow work is essentially a form of self-therapy. The "shadow" is basically the parts of you that either you or society deem undesirable. The parts of your personality you learn to hide from the world.

I used to be a very emotionally charged, outgoing kid growing up. I enjoyed being the center of attention in everything. I would be in the center of dance circles where everyone could see me cut a rug. Or even in lesser moments when I felt more negative emotions, I would want others to see me so they could feel what I felt or at least see how I felt (thats a bit extra, trust me I know). As I grew up, I began to change as I discovered that no one cares how you feel. At least as a man they don’t. So, I had to let my emotions take a backseat. Growing up if I was too outgoing it got on people’s nerves. Then, I couldn’t cry when I was sad because men don’t cry. Again alluding to the fact people don’t care how you feel. I learned to mute all the outgoing and humanistic qualities that made me such a great kid. So as an adult now, I’m extremely laid back and emotionally nonchalant.

The objective of shadow work as I learned, is to look at those past memories and experiences and see why you pushed them so far down. What about them made you change yourself? Why do you feel ashamed about this part of you? Who told you that you should be ashamed? Allowing yourself to dig into this emotional bag, gives you the feeling of control. You are taking charge of this moment. Taking charge of your life. I found the best way to do shadow work is through purposeful journaling. When most people speak of journaling, it is to expound on the current events and thoughts of our lives. With shadow work journaling, the purpose is to look to the past and discover the moment of that pivotal shift in yourself. This type of work is like having a conversation with your inner child.

As you begin to think more and more of your life, you begin to really break down what you went through as a child. You remember little details that you may have forgotten. Like watching the same movie over and over, noticing different aspects each time. Emotions begin to rise to the surface and it's up to you to allow yourself to feel them. This is where the healing starts. You understand why you felt a certain way in the past because you understand how you feel now. From here, it’s up to you to make a decision… Is this quality worth holding on to? Do I still need to feel shame for this? Is this something I want to change?

Once you discover how much you have hidden from yourself and the world, you begin to question yourself. Maybe you felt weak in the past, so you grew up to be really strong. Or maybe you’re like me and you used to be outgoing, and the rest of the world wanted you to be quiet and to fit in. Now years later, you found your voice again ready to give the world a piece of your mind. No matter the decision you make, this is where you take control. Make a choice that allows for the full acceptance of yourself. This is a conversation between you and your shadow, you and your inner child. A chance to rediscover those hidden parts of you that made you an amazing human. Those parts that also made you feel good to be you. This is something I practice pretty often, because once you start, you don't want to stop. You continue to discover different things about yourself in everything you are. Which feels much better than it sounds. Trust and believe.

Sit down and invite your shadow to a cup of tea and a chat. Let your inner child just vent to you. You’ll be amazed at what you learn.

-J