All You Need is Confidence...Right?

"Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing at all" - Helen Keller

Growing up, I never heard the word confidence used, but I knew of its many variations. “Man up”, “just do it”, “she ain’t gone bite, just talk to her”. This was all I knew being the shy kid I was. I knew I wanted to do everything that crossed my mind and somewhere deep inside me I knew I could. There were moments in life where I began to truly feel a sense of confidence and actually execute on my desires. The feeling that arose in me was liberating, like a bird free of its cage. I would ride that wave until a different desire came up and I would close the cage door on myself once again.

I began to look for advice and resources; I knew I was the only person holding me back and this back and forth of my mind grew tiring. So I began to read books and look online for articles and videos of how to be more confident, hoping something would click.

There are two important, overarching ideas that really stick with me personally. I see them like an umbrella of confidence. There are other ways to feel confident, these are just two that I feel are a great start.

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

The first being lesson I learned is: feel the fear and do it anyway. This simple statement holds so much weight behind it. Everyone feels fear, some more than others. People have actual phobias, deep senses of fear that are deep and may require therapy to resolve. The fear I'm referencing is more about those initial feelings of anxiety in a specific moment. “Feel the fear and do it anyway”, is much easier said than done. When you are in that moment of doing a new activity and the jitters fill your body, you aren’t worried about shit else but getting back to normal. We all know that feeling of our peers egging us on, which probably does more harm than good, but we don’t want to be labeled a wimp, chicken, or punk. One way I utilize this phrase that really helps me, is to think of that fear as a feeling of excitement. When you're nervous to talk to that guy or girl, you overthink what could go wrong. What if they call me out or make fun of me? This is such a belittling feeling that usually results in you giving up altogether. On the other hand, when you feel excited to talk to that person, you create more positive thoughts. What if they think I’m cute too? These thoughts lead to action being taken instead of paralyzing yourself. So next time you feel scared, nervous, or anxious before a new activity, think of those feelings as excitement and act before you have time to overthink.

Repetition

Repetition was the next big lesson about confidence I learned. When you practice a new skill you inevitably get better at that skill. Once you realize you could do more than before, you feel that excitement that comes with accomplishment. This goes back to the previous tip about feeling fear. Your excitement makes you want to practice that skill all the time and see how good you can really get. Confidence comes from knowing that you are good at this skill and no one can tell you otherwise. The best athletes know they are the best, not because people say they are, but when they step foot in their field, they dominate every time. Simultaneously, that feeling of confidence also leads to you wanting to achieve more. When those around you don't even feel like a challenge, you don't even fear the competition. Your brain begins to enjoy the challenges that come with bettering yourself, leading to more confidence as well as a higher self-esteem.

Haters

Now, I want to clarify something that I just mentioned. As you get really good at bettering your skills, the competition or thoughts of others sort of diminish. Compliments are sort of taken light-heartedly while insults bounce off like bullets hitting Superman. This is when others will start to notice how good you really are and they may begin to hate. Depending on how you display this newfound confidence, people will use that dreaded “arrogant” word. I feel that humility and arrogance are very different from each other while also being very subjective. We’ll save that argument for another post.

Confidence isn’t easy to build but it certainly is possible. Fear will always be present until it isn’t. To feel more confident in most things, it will take for you to do it over and over again or say “fuck it” and do it while that fear is ruminating within you. Do it once and see how it makes you feel; then do it again. Before you know it, you'll be doing things that used to scare you before you even realize you used to have any fear.

You got this. Even if no one else does... I believe in you.

-J