Turn the other cheek?...Nah

I was on a zoom call with my family recently and we got on the topic of working jobs and how our coworkers treat us. My father had a great point when he started to explain how you act when it comes to other people’s expectations of you. Be it at a job, school, or any group setting people will try to coerce you into their way of doing things. They have a culture in place and they will do what they can so that you abide by their desires, this can happen consciously or unconsciously. As my dad was talking he mentioned the importance of picking your battles. This resonated with me because I can be an outspoken person and I’ve grown to realize that everything doesn’t have to be said. Despite how mad you feel or the amount of disrespect that you received, knowing when to argue is more important than the content of your argument.

Sometimes we can get carried away when we feel our emotions bubble up. Some people can bottle them up and move on. Whether this is healthy or not is a different conversation, but they ultimately have figured out that their best bet of resolving an issue is not to fight back. They walk away from the situation and let it be. We tend to call these people nonchalant. They don’t seem bothered by anything only because they show no emotion toward it. For years I remember being this person. Anything could happen good or bad and my expression wouldn’t change much. People could take verbal jabs at me and I wouldn't budge. Others would express more positive feelings and I could give a smirk and some kind words in return. Some girls didn’t think I even liked them because I didn’t emote as often as they would. This would stir up a discussion about my emotions, resulting in me having to defend my nonchalant behavior while also affirming the existence of my feelings. This is one of those battles that isn’t about choosing whether to engage or not but how involved you want to be. The people closest to you may need more from you based on the position they hold in your life. When you choose to show them you do care, you are choosing to reiterate their priority in your life. In this instance, your battle is within yourself to see if you're willing to watch this person walk away from you or not.

When we focus our attention on the outside world, I’d say the tables turn a little bit. When you engage with classmates, coworkers, and strangers, you owe nothing to these people therefore it would seem that you can act however you choose to. This isn’t all the way true either. When it comes to dealing with the humans in your proximity, the water can get a little muddy when handling altercations that arise. Sometimes you can go off on that classmate at lunch and not have any consequences. On the other hand, that coworker that talks out their neck that you have to see everyday is a different story. You have to resolve your problems in a more sophisticated manner so that the peace of the environment is kept and harmony reigns another day. In some cases, you have to let it go and walk away even if you aren’t the person who turns the other cheek. Some days though, you must nip the problem in the bud.

I remember I used to work at a liquor store my last year of college and I had a problem with one of the managers. Let’s call him Goliath. I had just started working there during the holiday season, when everything was real busy everyday. Goliath was a hard worker, but he always had to share his stories about how much he could bench, or how much he single arm curled 90 pounds. He was one of those managers that was quick to tell you to get back to work, then five minutes later you see him just standing around joking. Yeah that guy. The longer I worked at this job, Goliath seemed to single me out when it came to doing work. I was the new guy and I also was some of the few employees that stayed after all the temporary people were let go. Through my coworkers, I learned that Goliath sort of had a problem with everyone, few people actually liked the guy. My problem came every time he would look to discipline me for little things, then I see him doing nothing soon after. This began to get on my nerves tremendously but I wouldn’t say anything because he was the manager and I didn’t want to give him any reason to fire me. Time went on and our relationship continued to sour. Goliath would find any reason to talk to me about some shit I wasn’t doing completely right and I was done with him. I had already mentioned to my coworkers and other managers that I had a problem with him and no one took any action. So one day I took matters into my own hands.

We had just finished a team meeting in the warehouse section of the store. Goliath and a few other coworkers stayed behind to chat while the rest of us drug ourselves back to work. I remember a coworker being right next to me and said something kind of loud. Goliath heard this and yelled back at us something I vaguely heard. I retorted with, “What you say!?” Having been fed up with his bs over these last few months I felt the adrenaline fill my veins as he stepped out from behind a crate full of boxes almost in a superhero pose to confront me. Yanking his ear piece out, he responded, “Is there a problem?” Eyes locked in on each other, both of our stances showed no sign of backing down. That same coworker brought me out of my enraged trance by assuring me it wasn’t a good idea to fight with Goliath. As I gave Goliath my last evil eye, I walked out of the warehouse back into the store. For the rest of the day me and Goliath didn’t really see each other but everyone who witnessed the intense moment all had something to say about it. Coming to me asking me what that was about. Other coworkers who knew the deal came to me to tell me how Goliath continued to talk shit about the situation. Nothing was going to happen but he now knew he couldn’t talk to me crazy anymore. And for the rest of the time I was there, he didn’t.

For me I chose to deal with the problem of this grown ass man feeling entitled to talk to me harshly for months. I know people can be trash humans and abuse the minimal power that a job position can give them. I knew it wasn’t that serious and I could get over it each time it occurred. This last moment though, I had to let it be known I wasn’t going to allow it to continue. Like a kid standing up to his bully, I chose to stand and fight this battle just once and accept whatever consequences came with it. Choosing your battles is crucial in life. You may be the type of person who hates confrontation and avoids it at all costs. There will be times where you look to avoid confrontation and still be confronted. Sometimes your battle is picked for you.If you let it become a regular thing you’ll find life to be a lot less fun. Only you know when it's best to turn the other cheek or stand your ground.

Don't allow others to change who you are naturally at your core. However, when the opportunity presents itself, you let Goliath know that they can get this work too.

-J